How to Talk to Your Kids About Court Without Scaring Them

1. Your main job: safety, love, and routine

Before any script or wording, your kids mostly need to know three things:

• They are loved by both parents
• The adults are handling the court piece
• Their day-to-day routines will still exist (school, friends, etc.)

You don’t have to explain every detail of the case. You’re aiming for “enough truth to feel safe” — not full transparency about adult conflict.

2. Age-aware language: simple examples

Every child is different, but here are rough examples that many parents find helpful. Adjust them to your child’s age and personality.

Younger kids (roughly under 8)

“Sometimes parents need help figuring out schedules and rules. Court is a place where a judge listens and helps the adults make a plan. You don’t have to fix it — that’s our job.”

Older kids and preteens

“Right now, the adults are working with the court to make a plan for where you’ll be on different days and how decisions will be made. It’s okay to have feelings about it. You’re not in trouble, and you’re not being asked to choose sides.”

Teens

“The court process can be slow and frustrating. I’ll be honest with you in a way that’s appropriate, but I also want to protect you from carrying all the stress. It’s okay to tell me what this feels like for you.”

3. What to avoid saying (even when you’re hurting)

When you’re exhausted and scared, it’s natural to want validation from your kids. But certain phrases put them in the middle in ways courts — and kids — don’t like.

Try to avoid:

• “The judge might take you away from me.”
• “If the court was fair, you’d be with me more.”
• “Your other parent is trying to ruin everything.”
• “You need to tell the judge you want to live with me.”

It’s normal to think these thoughts. It’s protective to share them with another adult or therapist instead of your child.

4. Answer questions without over-sharing

Kids often ask direct questions. You don’t have to dodge them, but you also don’t have to give adult-level detail.

Some examples:

• “Will I have to talk to the judge?” → “Sometimes kids do, sometimes they don’t. If that ever comes up, we’ll talk about it ahead of time so you’re not surprised.”
• “Are you and [other parent] fighting?” → “We’re disagreeing about some grown-up things. The court is one way to work that out. It’s not your job to fix it.”
• “Who’s telling the truth?” → “Adults sometimes remember things differently. The judge’s job is to listen and make a plan. Your job is to be a kid.”

5. Make room for feelings without promising outcomes

You can’t promise exactly what the court will decide, but you can still offer stability.

Helpful phrases:

• “It makes sense that you feel that way.”
• “You’re allowed to be mad at the situation.”
• “No matter what schedule the court sets, I’m your parent.”
• “You don’t have to protect my feelings.”

Validating your child’s emotions doesn’t mean you agree with everything they say — it simply tells them they’re not alone in it.